I had a lot of things swirling in my head that I was going to blog about. Yup, there's actually too much cluttering my brain right now and I figured I'd take the sanity break to spit it all out on the screen. Then my children got in the way and they did something that touched me so much I had to just write about that.
Its been going on for quite some time now actually. I mean really, the big one is inching towards 2 and half so really this 'thing' they do has been out there for nearly that long. The little one has been doing it for the better part of her two months...really almost instantly...but others have been noticing it lately and pointing it out to me. I don't know why, but it never sinks in until that happens. I mean I notice...but it doesn't really "hit" me until then. At least it doesn't hit me as something uniquely mine until someone else points it out.
Yes, I am fully aware that I'm being vague and annoying by doing so, so let me clear up the fuzziness for you. I'm talking about the look these two give me. Its easier to describe in terms of the non-verbal one - the look is anyway. Its like this:
This morning Meg and I got up at 5am. My plan was to wake her at the point if she wasn't already up. (Yes, I know...enjoy the sleep, but folks, she had slept 9 hours at that point and I KNEW she'd start making noise the moment I got in the shower and since today is my first day back in the office, I knew that was trouble.) I went in to get her and she was just hanging out all sorts of awake and content.
We settled into the recliner and she, the one that can't even roll herself over yet, wiggled her way towards me, leaning to the side as it were before I could arrange her myself, so she could eat. Her meal complete, I moved her back into my right arm and laid her so that she faced me - her left side being pushed gently up so that her head was straight...sometimes we're to do to help those tight muscles work themselves out. Her big wide eyes were roaming the dimmly lit room as she searched for something to study. She settled on my face and when she did so every inch of her glowed. She smiled. She cooed. She kicked her feet and flapped her arms. She was so incredibly happy and content that her body vibrated with the pleasure. This little squirmy creature that can melt my heart when I merely look at her uses this full body response to tell me the feeling is mutual and man, does that just put me on Cloud 9.
What's even more wonderful about it though is that this look - this transparent gaze of adoration, the full body response of pure, unadulterated love - is just mine. This is what doesn't hit me until others notice. She loves others. She coos at her Daddy and her grandparents. She obviously adores her big brother. But that response is reserved for Mommy. She has her own special response to her other people, but that one is mine, all mine.
The big one has his own thing too. There is nothing he says as wonderful as "I love my mommy." Even bigger then the loving part are those two little words "My Mommy." Who knew being owned would ever feel so darn good. When I have a bad day there is nothing that fixes my soul better then feeling those two strong thing arms warp themselves around my neck as the that red mass of hair tickles my nose when Logan buries his head on my shoulder. There is nothing that soothes a restless spirit more than hearing his 2 year-old voice say "Mommy, want to snuggle with me?"
And even when he's hurting or sad, there is nothing that makes me feel more needed, more important, more heroic almost, then to hear him say "No, I want my Mommy." Its again this affirmation that the total and complete sense of adoration and admiration I feel for him is sent back my way as well.
These two beautiful, perfect beings - they are mine. I am theirs. Is there anything that makes a person feel more valued than that?