The binge before the end

I am eating everything in my path this week. And not good stuff. No. I am eating everything in that "junk" food category I can get my hands on. I know exactly why I am this insatiable - I'm going to start back up on Weight Watchers on Saturday. Counting points. Sacrificing over abundant portions of my favorites. Working out for real. Weekly weigh-ins where someone other than me can see the scale and so the ability to lie about it or say "Oh, well this scale is always a pound or 10 off." goes out the window. Yup, I'm climbing back up on the wagon.

About 10 years ago I lost 30 pounds this way. It wasn't hard at that time really. I worked out like a fitness freak. I ate well. I was happy with just a container of yogurt and a piece of fruit for lunch - yes, I was a freak. Then I started dating B - the man that could devour an entire pizza in one sitting left to his own devices. We ate out a lot. I stopped making it to the gym in order to squeeze in dates. I added a few pounds.

We got married and we kept up our bad habits - plus we added in snacking while watching tv at night. I added a few more pounds. I took fertility drugs and between the depression that often accompanies the process and what I swear is drug induced screwy metabolism I added on more pounds. When we ditched our attempts to achieve pregnancy I went back to WW and I lost a whole lot of weight once again although I never did reach my goal.

That attempt was short circuited by little man. Even before I knew I was pregnant I knew my body was up to something weird. No matter what I did I couldn't break through my weight plateau. My body was at a stand still. When I took the HPT it made sense. I was pregnant and my body was refusing to diet. Well I also figured that a little food for two wasn't a bad thing around that point and so I added on more pounds.

As an infant, L was not a child that believed Mommy needed to eat. No, as far as he was concerned HIS meals were all that mattered and I could drop pounds via the "No need food" diet. If it was meal time, he was crying and demanding to be held. Made meals tough. I fell into a habit of eating a lot of fast food because one could lull the child to sleep in the car and eat a burger while he slept in his car seat. Not the best weight loss plan. Somehow I managed to drop all but 15 pounds of the pregnancy gain that time around, despite my frequent flyer visits to the drive throughs.

Then came this pregnancy. I credit 20+ weeks of morning sickness with my luck this time through. I sit here a 11 days post-partum at the exact weight I started the pregnancy at. A good 40 lbs above where I want to be, sure, but hey, its not as bad as it could have been. I've lost 30 lbs in just over a week. I still have squishy jelly belly that makes my 'pre-pregnancy' clothes a bit snug around the abs, but I can wear them nonetheless. And this time I am also determined to be fit again.

That's what it is really - to be fit. Not to be skinny. Not to be able to slip into something form fitted and sexy. Just to be fit. I want to know that I can run through the yard after my children without getting winded. I want to know that I am in a better place in terms of my own health. I want to know that I am setting a good example for my children. I want to reduce my risk of hypertension.

The day I checked out of the hosptial last week I had a high blood pressure scare. Not once during the pregnancy did I hit levels considered "HIGH" on the old BP scale. I was creeping close to that 140/90 magic number, but I never hit it. Post-pregnancy however I did. Not only did I hit it, I surpassed it. The day I released from the hosptial I had a reading of 152/99. It was scary to see that number. Me, the same gal that normally had readings below the 120/80 average was almost breaking 100 on that lower digit. It freaked me out.

I had an appointment with the OB I love this week to check my pressure. The first read was high. Dr. L almost gave me a prescription to get my pressure under control. Before he wrote the script he checked me again - 110/80. . . no drugs for me. SO I asked the scary question. Does having the pre-eclampsia last pregnancy and coming close to it this time (and going high post-partum this time) put me at higher risk for hypertension as I grow older.

The answer was a resounding yes. Not only yes, but yes by a lot. I have a 30% chance of developing reoccuring hypertension once I hit 35. That's a high risk rate compared to the rest of the general population. Its a scary rate. All I can do now is get in shape and keep monitoring my blood pressure to stay one step ahead of it.