Two weeks of lessons learned

A few things I've learned in the last two weeks:

1. No matter what anyone tells you, it is completely and totally possible for an infant girl to pee ON you. The art of dousing is not a trick reserved for young males alone.

2. "Lady-like" decorum is not an innate trait. Not showing off your ability to release the loudest and most attention grabbing bursts of gas from (name your favorite orifice) is a learned behavior.

3. A two-year old can suddenly grow huge amounts overnight when you add an infant to your life. I'm not talking about maturity, I'm talking actual size. Yes, suddenly 27 pounds of young male is a hell of a lot heavier than it was two weeks ago. Instantaneously, 35 inches of boy seems towering. And for what its worth, size 5 diapers seem insanely huge - and make you shake your head thinking "Why in God's name is this child not potty trained yet?!" ;)

4. There is no such thing as good TV at 3am. I learned this two years ago and promptly forgot it post-sleep training.

5. The sleep you get laying in your own bed for 3 hours is of much higher quality than the sleep you get laying in the recliner for 3 hours.

6. Those stupid elastic bands with those bows on them can take your eye out if you play slingshot with them. No, I have not actually popped an eyeball out with one of them, but I did slingshot one into B's abs and I've been told it can hurt. ha! Little girl will not be wearing said bands.

7. There are stupid people in the world who will ask how 'He' is doing even if you have your daughter dressed in a PINK FLOWERED DRESS!

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