The shame of it (aka Not that I'm Bitter)

It happened a week or two ago. See, I'm so heartbroken I can't even bear to remember the details.

Last year, or maybe it's even longer than that now, yes, it might be closer to a year and a half, I left a local mom's group. It's a long story with oodles of sordid details. Let's just say this - those gals were nuts. Logan was getting ready to start school at the time. Meg was too young to care if she had play dates or not. I had no 'need' for the constant catty bickering and backstabbing. (And THAT was just the moms!)

Recently, however, I've been thinking that Megan could stand a few fellow toddlers in her world. Something outside the realm of our once-a-week-paid-for Mom and me class and her new Sunday School class. I headed back to the web site where I had found my old group. I looked for one like it but not it. I found one. I joined.

I found half the fruit-loops that caused me to leave the original group entrenched in this new one. I considered running as fast as possible.

But I didn't.

One day I open my mailbox to find the new group was shut down without notice. I had an invite to join yet another new group -- one formed as a way to purge itself of members that engaged in catty infighting. I had high hopes the fruit-loops had been let go. I joined (again) and shared insights about local pizza joints and whether or not we'd make it to the story time at the library next week.

My hopes were dashed. Fruit Loops showed up.

And then suddenly, as quickly as I had been invited, I was unsubbed.

Now, unless people found offense to my suggestion that the Pizza Joint was better than Carlos, I have no idea what happened. Ok, I take that back. I do have an idea.

Fruit loops.

One of them is mad at me because I refused to gossip with her about a friend of mine. Our girls are in the same Gymboree class. She has yet to admit I'm there. Another is still mad at me for telling the old group that I didn't think we were the appropriate format for constant advertising of home businesses (just as she was widing up a pitch for her new at-home business) and a third is riding along with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

So there you have it. I have offically been booted out of a mom's group. I am a playgroup pariah.

I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or proud. What do you think?


moon said...

Be proud. Your integrity speaks volumes. Why don't u try and start up your own group. Set guidelines of what u want in a group that u aren't finding now. I bet there are other moms out there that have felt the same as you and just gave up. Give it a try,
Here via Michele's today.

AzGreeneyes said...

I am a proud play group pariah! I have so little time that I refuse to spend it with a bunch of self absorbed snobs who usually aren't even joining for their kids; they just need to trash talk other moms, and are out of fodder! I signed my son up for karate, and now when we are there, my daughter gets to play with all the other little siblings, and son is active, and mommy is happy!

Here from Michele's, laughing all the way!

Nicole said...

You are braver than I am, for even trying. I went to one Mom's Club meeting and left bewildered. I'm an extrovert by nature, but I could not find a way to fit in there. So I didn't join.

Any chance of connecting with the ladies that didn't want you to tear your eyes out with their Partylite shit?

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Be proud! Sounds like you are well out of that group in my opinion.

Brenda said...

Kudos! Did you happen to see the PrimeTime speciallast night about "mean girls"? It was focused on middle & high school, but there are those girls that never change. Glad you recognize the type and can spend your precious time with worthwhile people!

Linda said...

Start your own group - doesn't have to be affiliated with anyone. Just invite some of the moms from there or Gymboree to your house - tell everyone to bring a healthy snack to share and the kids will all play together.

I did that for 2 years - it was the BEST group. No cattiness, no infighting. If you didn't like the group, you didn't have to come. No dues, no nothing but nice women that YOU choose to include. Rotate houses, go to the park, meet at Chuck E Cheez (that was RARE, though). We even met at a local church from time to time.

See if your church would be interested in volunteering a room (the rule is: garbage in, garbage out, neat and clean, please). If the kids can play in the nursery or Sunday school rooms, better so!

You don't need those women...you are better than them and they have figured it out, which is why you're not there. Oh...and have you considered going back to the ORIGINAL group, since the frootloops are gone?

kontan said...

Be proud!

I tried a few groups when the girls were little. Not too successful. The fact that I was a working mom didn't help.

Dawn said...

Beam with pride, Sandy - beam with pride!

colleen said...

It doesn't seem worth the aggrevation! But frustrating just the same! Michele sent me.

Chaos Mommy said...

I keep seeing comments about starting your own group... hmm...they may have something there! On the application you should put, Are You a Fruit Loop?
If they check yes, don't let them in! :D
Don't be too discouraged, I can't go to playgroups in my town cause all the women are rich housewives who turn up their nose at the military!