Out from under the covers
Did I not write it here? Not only did I have the joy of a sinus infection and strep throat at the same time, I also had pink eyes. Yes, eyes. Went to the doctor with one very bloodshot, gooey eyeball and woke up the next day with its mate. Several days of antibiotics and eye drops later, I at least feel more human than I did a week ago - even if I still have blood shot pink eyes.
AND, drum roll, I am about 20 hours away from having survived the dreaded business trip induced single-mommyhood. Thankfully I had oodles and oodles of help from my parents last week during the great sick-in. My mom even pitched in a great deal - that was even as she was being a fellow member of the strep+ club. She had all but the pink eye balls. Instead she opted for the "can't keep anything in my stomach" variation. Today though, was a "just us" day. The grandparents are off on a vacation, the uncle is doing his typical long day at the office, and the dad's not home yet. Just me and boy. And it was a good day. A very good, pleasant, fun day.
Gripe for the day - because hey, looking back over recent posts would it be my blog if I wasn't whining?
How the heck are my freak neighbors going to sell their house if they keep taking down the for sale sign?! I never even realized the thing was up on the market until the 5 year-old-pain-in-my-ass (yes that is her offical title) mentioned it Saturday as she tried to get me to buy every toy at her garage sale. That very night a sign appeared on the lawn - complete with an "Open House 1-4!" header. I wanted to stand discreetly in my bay window and judge the potentials. Maybe jumping out to scare the ones that didn't seem like someone I'd want that close to me every day.
Well the next day the sign was gone. . .and yet some lady in a very nice car sat out front making phone calls on her cell and meeting people in other not-as-nice-but-still-running cars throughout the afternoon. I just don't get the "sell without a sign out front" thing.
Please, don't let them be tricking me into feeling safe that they'll be gone before those freak children hit puberty!
4.26.2004
4.22.2004
My NOT so boring 19 week OB check up
Well as many of you know I've been sick since Tuesday - to me it felt fluey and I had a fever. But it wasn't all that high so I didn't worry too much knowing I had a regular old OB appt today. This am I still register a fever on the ear therometer- which I'm now thinking is not a wise idea to use on yourself. ;) D'uh moment. Anyway... off I go to the doctor. He tells me I sound like I have a head thing. Yes I do sir, and I feel like crap, my ears hurt...and I think I had a fever.
Dr - Do you have one now?
Me - Ummm, not sure I did this morning I think, assuming the therometer was accurate.
Dr - Oh. Umm, well look hopefully it never happens again, but next time call us and we'll send you to the ER instead of having you in here to possibly get others sick.
Me - thinking not saying - gee thanks so for your concern. Should I don my face mask now or do you want to make sure the potential fever hasn't caused any concerns.
Dr - let's check for heartbeat then we'll send you next door for a checkup and ultrasound.
The hosptial, btw, is LITERALLY right next door. As in walk across a few parking spots and into the ER.
So he looks for the heartbeat - finds it right away and its very strong and beating very well. Off I go to the hosptial - him not yet deciding if I have to come back in 2 weeks or 4. Now mind you I love my OB practice, but of the three docs, this one is my least favorite. I tend to think he has a fast panic button. . .and that was before today.
So here I am in the ER. They do my vitals -no fever. Nope, its 98. . . and my BP is perfect (as it was moments ago) but my pulse is a little high although coming down. Well sure, hello, pregnant women to ER? I could feel my heartbeating through my chest.
Back I go to Triage. The nurse peppers me with questions. How long (since Tuesday pm), how high (101 was highest but down to 99 with tyelnol), how do you feel? (like shit) ANy cramps? (no) Any discharge? (not unless you mean my stuffy nose) Any bleeding? (nope) Any vomiting? (Me, not unless you count morning sickness which had showed signs of letting up last week. . .oh yeah and tuesday night's dinner. And frankly it may be pure mind over matter because frankly my throat hurts like Girl Scouts are holding a bonfire in it and puking would be akin to torture of the cruelest kind.) Nurse, says - I think its the flu. now what did the doctor say? So I tell her again how we talked very little about before he kicked me out and sent me here when he heard "I'm sick, had low fever." She laughed. Then she called back to Quick Care to see if they'd look me over instead of making me sit for hours on end in the other side of the 'regular' ED. The very nice (and cute) doc in the Quick Care says "Sure!" So I'm off again.
Quick Care is wonderful - they pull you back fast, they see you fast, and the doctor is cute. ;) Oh, and he's really nice...and thorough. So we do the questions again - you know, when, how, discharge, bleeding, cramping... I tell him about Logan's virus and add - you know Dr. P did find the heartbeat fairly quickly and said it was nice and strong. Is it really a concern at this point? ER doctor - let's check you out first. Peeks in ears - ears clear. Peeks in throat - throat very red and swollen. Peeks up nose - nasal membranes swollen.
He says to me - Did you ever have a sinus infection before?
I laugh - Uh, yah. Annually it seemed like there for a while. It seems since High School everytime I get some sort of head or upper respirotory cold I get a sinus infection.
He says - Yeah, well I'm fairly certain you're working on one now. Does this hurt?
Me - Ummm, yeah!!!!
Him - Yup. Ok, so you're allergic to like what.
I tell him the two antibiotics I can't take - I fail to mention that this is yet another fun detail from my chronic respirotory infections in High School. Several rounds on Penicillin and Eythoromicyn (sp?!) and I get what looks like prickly heat. Can I blame the crappy, bacterica festering closed air circulation in that 1970s shoe box?! Of course the Pen. is also a big HUGE issue for my mother and my brother...both had serious reactions.
He laughs.
Me - I know, I'm fun. Doctor's love me when I'm sick.
He says -What can you take?
Me- Oh geez, well I forget what I had the last time but I know I used to get Ceclor a lot and never had problems.
Him - Good you can take that now too. Ok, nurse will be in for a strep culture.
Me - what about my ulstrasound?
Him - Huh? Why?
Me - Dr P said I was coming here for an eval and an ultrasound.
Him - why did he say that?
Me - Because of the fever stuff.
Him - Did he know you did'nt have a fever now?
Me -Well no because this morning I thought I did.
He says - Well now you don't. How high did it get?
I tell him again. He stares at me for a minute.
He says - No vomiting? No diaherra, no discharge, no bleeding, no cramping? He found the heartbeat and it was strong.
Me - says what is basically a lot of nos and yes he did and he said it was.
ER doc says - Sometimes they get a little panicy there. Did he ask you about the cramping and stuff?
Me - no he rushed me over here.
Doc - other patients?
Me - Yeah.
Doc - Well look. To be quite honest, this fever wasn't high enough to cause problems and what you have is not related to the pregnancy. You have no signs of the pregnancy in distress and the baby seems to be doing well based on hearbeat. Do you feel movents?
Me - some...I think. Its still kind of early but sometimes either I'm hallicinating or I feel her moving.
Doc - Ok, well there's a 3 hour wait for the u/s in the ER which is where you'd have to go AND since its in the ER and not scheduled they won't have you drink water even with a wait because they can't be sure how long it'll be so they're going to insert a catether to pump fluids into your bladder and its not going to be fun. I really don't want to put you through something like that if you don't have to do it. Know what I mean?
Me - If you are comfortable with the idea that its not needed after all this then I'm ok skipping the catether.
Doc - I'll call Dr. P for you and explain what we discussed. He'll be ok. (And he winks...did I say he was cute?)
He leaves and the nurse that I now hate for no other reason other than she brings in with her the giant evil cotton swab for my tonsils enters. Swab, Swab, gag. I tell her its VERY mean to do that to a woman who is JUST finding her way out of morning sickness from hell. She laughs and says - I hate it too. When I have to have it done, I make them let me do it to myself. (Ok, so she's just weird)
Doc comes in less than 5 minutes later - I'm still sitting there swinging my feet off the bed and wearing the lovely hosptial gown with my yoga pants grumbling to myself how at least in the OB's office I had magazines and in the lobby here I had CNN to watch. Now I get to count drips of water from a leaky faucet.
He says - Ummm, you are getting an antibiotic because you do have a sinus infection AND you have strep throat.
Me - WHAT?! No.
Him - Yes. The strep is positive.
Me - no way. L's wasn't!! Both times?!
Him - Laughing - well ok, but yours is...so you're getting an antibiotic and you're going home and I'll talk to doc P about why you didn't get an ultrasound. Put your shirt back on, leave the gown there and hang in the waiting room a few more minutes while I type this up.
Me - Shit. This sucks.
So I dress and I wait....I get my discharge papers and I tell the nurse how extremely sorry that I am now one of "those" people that go to the ER for something her primary care doctor (no matter how much I hate said PC) should have taken care of and I really would have gone to the aforementioned out of favor PC had my OB not freaked out about me being Typhoid Mary and sent me immediately over here. The discharge nurse laughs and says "Oh, yeah, we get that alot, don't feel bad." But I do.
I call my mom from the car - she's home watching L. Gram also with a fever and sore throat now. I tell her about my adventure and suggest before she heads off on vacation she may want to see her Doctor for one of those delightful throat swabs. She's going tomorrow am.
So I'm now on the search for a regular old fashioned oral temp taker. We used to have one in the house. The ear thingy is still saying I've got a fever...but its hard to believe since I'm so paniced over what I could have screwed up before I know I'm not getting a good angle now. The only other thermometer I can find is one we used under l's arm and eventually...ahhh...other places. I know the new ear thingy is accurate when I use it on L because the first few go arounds with the 'new mommy ear toy' as L calls it - I did a second test rectally on him = it matched up each time almost within a tenth of each other. I am convinced that I did have a fever at least some time during this ordeal because I FELT feverish - the chills, the fact that my skin hurt to have something on me. Sweating even though I was dressed lightly and it was 70 in the house. Now I just wonder how long I had said fever and how high it really didn't get. ;) UGH!!!! WHY MUST THE DEAR HUBBY TRAVEL WHEN I'M SICK AND DELIROUS?!
Well as many of you know I've been sick since Tuesday - to me it felt fluey and I had a fever. But it wasn't all that high so I didn't worry too much knowing I had a regular old OB appt today. This am I still register a fever on the ear therometer- which I'm now thinking is not a wise idea to use on yourself. ;) D'uh moment. Anyway... off I go to the doctor. He tells me I sound like I have a head thing. Yes I do sir, and I feel like crap, my ears hurt...and I think I had a fever.
Dr - Do you have one now?
Me - Ummm, not sure I did this morning I think, assuming the therometer was accurate.
Dr - Oh. Umm, well look hopefully it never happens again, but next time call us and we'll send you to the ER instead of having you in here to possibly get others sick.
Me - thinking not saying - gee thanks so for your concern. Should I don my face mask now or do you want to make sure the potential fever hasn't caused any concerns.
Dr - let's check for heartbeat then we'll send you next door for a checkup and ultrasound.
The hosptial, btw, is LITERALLY right next door. As in walk across a few parking spots and into the ER.
So he looks for the heartbeat - finds it right away and its very strong and beating very well. Off I go to the hosptial - him not yet deciding if I have to come back in 2 weeks or 4. Now mind you I love my OB practice, but of the three docs, this one is my least favorite. I tend to think he has a fast panic button. . .and that was before today.
So here I am in the ER. They do my vitals -no fever. Nope, its 98. . . and my BP is perfect (as it was moments ago) but my pulse is a little high although coming down. Well sure, hello, pregnant women to ER? I could feel my heartbeating through my chest.
Back I go to Triage. The nurse peppers me with questions. How long (since Tuesday pm), how high (101 was highest but down to 99 with tyelnol), how do you feel? (like shit) ANy cramps? (no) Any discharge? (not unless you mean my stuffy nose) Any bleeding? (nope) Any vomiting? (Me, not unless you count morning sickness which had showed signs of letting up last week. . .oh yeah and tuesday night's dinner. And frankly it may be pure mind over matter because frankly my throat hurts like Girl Scouts are holding a bonfire in it and puking would be akin to torture of the cruelest kind.) Nurse, says - I think its the flu. now what did the doctor say? So I tell her again how we talked very little about before he kicked me out and sent me here when he heard "I'm sick, had low fever." She laughed. Then she called back to Quick Care to see if they'd look me over instead of making me sit for hours on end in the other side of the 'regular' ED. The very nice (and cute) doc in the Quick Care says "Sure!" So I'm off again.
Quick Care is wonderful - they pull you back fast, they see you fast, and the doctor is cute. ;) Oh, and he's really nice...and thorough. So we do the questions again - you know, when, how, discharge, bleeding, cramping... I tell him about Logan's virus and add - you know Dr. P did find the heartbeat fairly quickly and said it was nice and strong. Is it really a concern at this point? ER doctor - let's check you out first. Peeks in ears - ears clear. Peeks in throat - throat very red and swollen. Peeks up nose - nasal membranes swollen.
He says to me - Did you ever have a sinus infection before?
I laugh - Uh, yah. Annually it seemed like there for a while. It seems since High School everytime I get some sort of head or upper respirotory cold I get a sinus infection.
He says - Yeah, well I'm fairly certain you're working on one now.
Me - Ummm, yeah!!!!
Him - Yup. Ok, so you're allergic to like what.
I tell him the two antibiotics I can't take - I fail to mention that this is yet another fun detail from my chronic respirotory infections in High School. Several rounds on Penicillin and Eythoromicyn (sp?!) and I get what looks like prickly heat. Can I blame the crappy, bacterica festering closed air circulation in that 1970s shoe box?! Of course the Pen. is also a big HUGE issue for my mother and my brother...both had serious reactions.
He laughs.
Me - I know, I'm fun. Doctor's love me when I'm sick.
He says -What can you take?
Me- Oh geez, well I forget what I had the last time but I know I used to get Ceclor a lot and never had problems.
Him - Good you can take that now too. Ok, nurse will be in for a strep culture.
Me - what about my ulstrasound?
Him - Huh? Why?
Me - Dr P said I was coming here for an eval and an ultrasound.
Him - why did he say that?
Me - Because of the fever stuff.
Him - Did he know you did'nt have a fever now?
Me -Well no because this morning I thought I did.
He says - Well now you don't. How high did it get?
I tell him again. He stares at me for a minute.
He says - No vomiting? No diaherra, no discharge, no bleeding, no cramping? He found the heartbeat and it was strong.
Me - says what is basically a lot of nos and yes he did and he said it was.
ER doc says - Sometimes they get a little panicy there. Did he ask you about the cramping and stuff?
Me - no he rushed me over here.
Doc - other patients?
Me - Yeah.
Doc - Well look. To be quite honest, this fever wasn't high enough to cause problems and what you have is not related to the pregnancy. You have no signs of the pregnancy in distress and the baby seems to be doing well based on hearbeat. Do you feel movents?
Me - some...I think. Its still kind of early but sometimes either I'm hallicinating or I feel her moving.
Doc - Ok, well there's a 3 hour wait for the u/s in the ER which is where you'd have to go AND since its in the ER and not scheduled they won't have you drink water even with a wait because they can't be sure how long it'll be so they're going to insert a catether to pump fluids into your bladder and its not going to be fun. I really don't want to put you through something like that if you don't have to do it. Know what I mean?
Me - If you are comfortable with the idea that its not needed after all this then I'm ok skipping the catether.
Doc - I'll call Dr. P for you and explain what we discussed. He'll be ok. (And he winks...did I say he was cute?)
He leaves and the nurse that I now hate for no other reason other than she brings in with her the giant evil cotton swab for my tonsils enters. Swab, Swab, gag. I tell her its VERY mean to do that to a woman who is JUST finding her way out of morning sickness from hell. She laughs and says - I hate it too. When I have to have it done, I make them let me do it to myself. (Ok, so she's just weird)
Doc comes in less than 5 minutes later - I'm still sitting there swinging my feet off the bed and wearing the lovely hosptial gown with my yoga pants grumbling to myself how at least in the OB's office I had magazines and in the lobby here I had CNN to watch. Now I get to count drips of water from a leaky faucet.
He says - Ummm, you are getting an antibiotic because you do have a sinus infection AND you have strep throat.
Me - WHAT?! No.
Him - Yes. The strep is positive.
Me - no way. L's wasn't!! Both times?!
Him - Laughing - well ok, but yours is...so you're getting an antibiotic and you're going home and I'll talk to doc P about why you didn't get an ultrasound. Put your shirt back on, leave the gown there and hang in the waiting room a few more minutes while I type this up.
Me - Shit. This sucks.
So I dress and I wait....I get my discharge papers and I tell the nurse how extremely sorry that I am now one of "those" people that go to the ER for something her primary care doctor (no matter how much I hate said PC) should have taken care of and I really would have gone to the aforementioned out of favor PC had my OB not freaked out about me being Typhoid Mary and sent me immediately over here. The discharge nurse laughs and says "Oh, yeah, we get that alot, don't feel bad." But I do.
I call my mom from the car - she's home watching L. Gram also with a fever and sore throat now. I tell her about my adventure and suggest before she heads off on vacation she may want to see her Doctor for one of those delightful throat swabs. She's going tomorrow am.
So I'm now on the search for a regular old fashioned oral temp taker. We used to have one in the house. The ear thingy is still saying I've got a fever...but its hard to believe since I'm so paniced over what I could have screwed up before I know I'm not getting a good angle now. The only other thermometer I can find is one we used under l's arm and eventually...ahhh...other places. I know the new ear thingy is accurate when I use it on L because the first few go arounds with the 'new mommy ear toy' as L calls it - I did a second test rectally on him = it matched up each time almost within a tenth of each other. I am convinced that I did have a fever at least some time during this ordeal because I FELT feverish - the chills, the fact that my skin hurt to have something on me. Sweating even though I was dressed lightly and it was 70 in the house. Now I just wonder how long I had said fever and how high it really didn't get. ;) UGH!!!! WHY MUST THE DEAR HUBBY TRAVEL WHEN I'M SICK AND DELIROUS?!
4.17.2004
Gosh, its been a while since I posted anything. I have a slew of excuses but none really worth taking my precious "Toddler is napping finally time!" to write. I am spending this week as single Mom and the first 2 hours did not go well. The previously dreadfully ill child woke up extremely cranked up. His fever is offically gone after 5.5 days and his nose does not run nearly as much. He however, even after nearly 12 hours of sleep, decided that massive amounts of crying and demanding were in order. He wants me to hold him - standing up - for hours on end. Preferably as we walk in circles through the house although in front of the TV is fine. We had "discussions" about how Mommy can not possibily spend the day holding all 25 pounds of boy and that boy must either a) let me sit and hold him b) play on the floor/computer with me or c) figure out how to move around on his own. After 2 hours of this debate - which included two time-outs in the crib that were either more about calming mommy down or calming the toddler down depending on who's telling the story - I just lost it. I broke down in a horomonal mess of tears. Frustrated by my child's inability to understand that holding him up for too long means a backache and shaulder pain. I sat in a chair with him on my lap and balled as badly as he did.
You know what? Nervous breakdowns work. My formerly teary eyed toddler looked at me - a hysterical mess - and laughed. "Silly mommy." he said and he laughed.
"Its not funny!" I said.
"Is funny" he told me.
Whatever. I decided not to continue fighting with a 21 month old about what is and is not humor. Of course moments later the "Mommy up, carry you" (which is his way of saying stand up now and carry me somewhere) demands began again in earnest. I thought for a moment about locating the number for the airline currently transporting my hubby to London and demanding that they turn around and deliver him to my door immediately. Instead I stood up - for a moment tricking crank monster into thinking he got his way. I plopped him on the seat by himself and grabbed his shoes from the basket next to the chair. He screamed, grabbed the one shoe I had rested on the chair next to him and threw it. The dog barked to go out - I, frustrated at the three of us, yelled the dog to go away and just wait. I picked up the shoe and placed it out of reach. Put the other on the wriggling foot.
"Outsigh?" sniffed the monster child
"yes, we can go outside now if you just calm down."
"Calm down now!" he sniffed. "No cry. No carry. Re-axe."
"Yes, relax. Just relax." I sighed and silently prayed that he would.
"Outsigh play. Dig?" he asked.
"Yes, yes we can dig." Then crossing my fingers I said "Just hold on a sec. wait here and watch Stanley while I get my shoes on and go potty."
"Mommy potty then outsigh dig." he said in return.
I peed as fast as I could. Tied my own shoes up silently offering up any bribe that I could in the form of prayer that this day would get better. Outside we finally went...and my moodswinging child became the happy, playful, even willing to use his own two feet toddler that I thought I had actually been living with once upon a time. He ran over to this "larger than him" styrofoam plane his father bought him the other day.
"Daddy fly plane! Vroom! Whoosh! Bye bye daddy! Over sea." he said hurriedly. We've been telling him that Daddy is going away for a little while on a plane. We have shown him on his globe where we live and where daddy is going. Apparently at least the words if not the concept sunk in. "Daddy fly plane now." he said again.
And I thought to myself "yes, damn him."
You know what? Nervous breakdowns work. My formerly teary eyed toddler looked at me - a hysterical mess - and laughed. "Silly mommy." he said and he laughed.
"Its not funny!" I said.
"Is funny" he told me.
Whatever. I decided not to continue fighting with a 21 month old about what is and is not humor. Of course moments later the "Mommy up, carry you" (which is his way of saying stand up now and carry me somewhere) demands began again in earnest. I thought for a moment about locating the number for the airline currently transporting my hubby to London and demanding that they turn around and deliver him to my door immediately. Instead I stood up - for a moment tricking crank monster into thinking he got his way. I plopped him on the seat by himself and grabbed his shoes from the basket next to the chair. He screamed, grabbed the one shoe I had rested on the chair next to him and threw it. The dog barked to go out - I, frustrated at the three of us, yelled the dog to go away and just wait. I picked up the shoe and placed it out of reach. Put the other on the wriggling foot.
"Outsigh?" sniffed the monster child
"yes, we can go outside now if you just calm down."
"Calm down now!" he sniffed. "No cry. No carry. Re-axe."
"Yes, relax. Just relax." I sighed and silently prayed that he would.
"Outsigh play. Dig?" he asked.
"Yes, yes we can dig." Then crossing my fingers I said "Just hold on a sec. wait here and watch Stanley while I get my shoes on and go potty."
"Mommy potty then outsigh dig." he said in return.
I peed as fast as I could. Tied my own shoes up silently offering up any bribe that I could in the form of prayer that this day would get better. Outside we finally went...and my moodswinging child became the happy, playful, even willing to use his own two feet toddler that I thought I had actually been living with once upon a time. He ran over to this "larger than him" styrofoam plane his father bought him the other day.
"Daddy fly plane! Vroom! Whoosh! Bye bye daddy! Over sea." he said hurriedly. We've been telling him that Daddy is going away for a little while on a plane. We have shown him on his globe where we live and where daddy is going. Apparently at least the words if not the concept sunk in. "Daddy fly plane now." he said again.
And I thought to myself "yes, damn him."
4.06.2004
Cranky
I'm now at 17 weeks and I'm still puking my guts out. It's pissing me off. If I wasn't sure that we were done at two kids, I'd be sure now. Puking sucks. My witty (I really do like him quite honestly) OB smiled at my last visit and said "well most women are done with morning sickness at this point, but it's still normal to still be sick." This was in response to my question "WHEN WILL THIS END!?" I wanted to tell him to go leap off a bridge.
So this puking has me cranky lately. And irrational I'm afraid. There are people that have never have kids who will say to me "Are you still sick? You must be better now. I bet that just sucks." I want to just say simply "F you." Or perhaps to elaborate it even further "Please don't tell you think this lame attempt at pity is making me feel better." The weird thing is - it doesn't bother me when people WITH kids comment on the suckiness of prolonged morning sickness. Perhaps because I feel like they can really identify and its more "I hear ya sista." For some reason the inexperienced just piss me off when they bring it up - much like men or women who have not yet given birth commenting on the pain of labor and delivery really gets my goat lately. Don't get me started. Like I said, I'm cranky.
I'm now at 17 weeks and I'm still puking my guts out. It's pissing me off. If I wasn't sure that we were done at two kids, I'd be sure now. Puking sucks. My witty (I really do like him quite honestly) OB smiled at my last visit and said "well most women are done with morning sickness at this point, but it's still normal to still be sick." This was in response to my question "WHEN WILL THIS END!?" I wanted to tell him to go leap off a bridge.
So this puking has me cranky lately. And irrational I'm afraid. There are people that have never have kids who will say to me "Are you still sick? You must be better now. I bet that just sucks." I want to just say simply "F you." Or perhaps to elaborate it even further "Please don't tell you think this lame attempt at pity is making me feel better." The weird thing is - it doesn't bother me when people WITH kids comment on the suckiness of prolonged morning sickness. Perhaps because I feel like they can really identify and its more "I hear ya sista." For some reason the inexperienced just piss me off when they bring it up - much like men or women who have not yet given birth commenting on the pain of labor and delivery really gets my goat lately. Don't get me started. Like I said, I'm cranky.
4.02.2004
Pink or Blue
In exactly two weeks from yesterday we'll find out, assuming Turnip cooperates, if our 2nd child is a boy or a girl. Yes, I am one that "spoils" the surprise - although I take issue with that belief. As one that was convinced her first was a girl - trust me, I was shocked and all sorts of surprised when the doctor looked at the little ultrasound monitor and said "Its male." Had we waited I'd have merely been exhausted AND stunned. Instead I settled for merely stunned.
The closer we get to "peek-day" the more I realize that finding out is not just about satisfying my 'spoil-sport' detestation of surprises. No. Its about making this all real. You'd think with 16 weeks of puking (yes, I'm still ill) and the fact that I'm now full-time in maternity clothes despite having lost 5 pounds, the reality of pregnancy would have sunk in. But it hasn't. Not really. I mean yeah, I *know* I'm pregnant, but its still surreal. Talking about "when the baby comes" still seems very abstract. Almost hypothetical. I was thinking may its just this time - maybe its being so busy with a toddler that keeps it from really truly sinking in. But its not.
I realized this morning, as I pulled up my belly paneled carpenter jeans that are still big enough to slide down when Toddler is seated firmly on my hip, that I felt this way last time too. The idea of having "baby" didn't become real until he was really a he and I could call him by name. I was no longer "when the baby arrives we need to do this." it was "when L comes we will do. . ." He was real and we were just waiting for him. That's what I need this time. I need to prepare my son for when M or S shows up. Maybe I'm just nuts, but it seems easier to make it reality for him if Turnip is an actual name, a real person that we're just waiting to welcome. Someone we can label and identitfy. I can't wait to have those ultrasound pictures - the ones that show a hint of a face. A formed a head. Real hands. Something I can hold and say "That is my little [fill in gender], my [fill in name]" I can start to develop our personal relationship based on the actual person - not the idea of some person. If that makes any sense.
I know this isn't true for everyone. There are people that waited to find out and had no problems bonding - but for me, I *need* to know. Its not just want. Its need. Sure, if Turnip chooses to cross those legs tight then we're out of luck and I'll survive - but we're hoping it doesn't come to that.
In exactly two weeks from yesterday we'll find out, assuming Turnip cooperates, if our 2nd child is a boy or a girl. Yes, I am one that "spoils" the surprise - although I take issue with that belief. As one that was convinced her first was a girl - trust me, I was shocked and all sorts of surprised when the doctor looked at the little ultrasound monitor and said "Its male." Had we waited I'd have merely been exhausted AND stunned. Instead I settled for merely stunned.
The closer we get to "peek-day" the more I realize that finding out is not just about satisfying my 'spoil-sport' detestation of surprises. No. Its about making this all real. You'd think with 16 weeks of puking (yes, I'm still ill) and the fact that I'm now full-time in maternity clothes despite having lost 5 pounds, the reality of pregnancy would have sunk in. But it hasn't. Not really. I mean yeah, I *know* I'm pregnant, but its still surreal. Talking about "when the baby comes" still seems very abstract. Almost hypothetical. I was thinking may its just this time - maybe its being so busy with a toddler that keeps it from really truly sinking in. But its not.
I realized this morning, as I pulled up my belly paneled carpenter jeans that are still big enough to slide down when Toddler is seated firmly on my hip, that I felt this way last time too. The idea of having "baby" didn't become real until he was really a he and I could call him by name. I was no longer "when the baby arrives we need to do this." it was "when L comes we will do. . ." He was real and we were just waiting for him. That's what I need this time. I need to prepare my son for when M or S shows up. Maybe I'm just nuts, but it seems easier to make it reality for him if Turnip is an actual name, a real person that we're just waiting to welcome. Someone we can label and identitfy. I can't wait to have those ultrasound pictures - the ones that show a hint of a face. A formed a head. Real hands. Something I can hold and say "That is my little [fill in gender], my [fill in name]" I can start to develop our personal relationship based on the actual person - not the idea of some person. If that makes any sense.
I know this isn't true for everyone. There are people that waited to find out and had no problems bonding - but for me, I *need* to know. Its not just want. Its need. Sure, if Turnip chooses to cross those legs tight then we're out of luck and I'll survive - but we're hoping it doesn't come to that.
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